Idaho's Weekly Journal of Local & National Commentary Week 2815


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by Free Market Duck


Prez Obama Urges Public to Not Riot in Ferguson Missouri, New York, Detroit, LA, San Francisco, Oakland, St Louis, Denver, San Diego, Miami, Washington DC, Boise Idaho and All Major Cities in America

Nov 27, 2014

Washington, DC -- Immediately after the grand jury in Ferguson, Mo, came down with an indictment of "NOT GUILTY" -- i.e., not enough evidence to warrant a jury trial -- against Ferguson police officer Darren Wilson for shooting and killing Michael Brown in self-defense after a robbery and altercation earlier this year, President Barack Obama casually sauntered onto national TV at 9 pm EST holding the crotch of his pants with one hand and urged the public to not riot in Ferguson Missouri, New York, Detroit, LA, San Francisco, Oakland, St Louis, Denver, San Diego, Miami, Washington DC, Boise Idaho and all major cities in America.

   "And don't throw no fire bombs, shoot any weapons, set cars on fire, smash windows, beat up innocent bystanders, or say anything nasty to the police, National Guard, or yo Momma," added the President.  "And brush your teeth before bed."

   "We are a nation of laws, not of racist tribalism," said President Obama as he uttered how every blind crack head in the streets with no forensic evidence, not having interviewed all the witnesses, and not knowing jack $hit about the Michael Brown Ferguson case, is "understandably upset, even angry," at the result of last night's non-indictment of police officer Darren Wilson, even though, by the way, happenchance, did I happen to mention, said Obama, that Darren Wilson is white and Michael Brown is black?  "This is not a case of racism, even though race had everything to do with it," said President Obama.  Wonderful Michael Brown, the perp victim, is black as the Ace of Spades, and the guilty police officer, no offense intended, was whiter than white on rice."

   "So," continued President Obama, speaking out of concern for peaceful demonstrations, "I do not want any of you clear-thinking, logical, rational, upstanding citizens in all the major cities of America at exactly 9 pm EST to throw any rocks at the police, shoot any weapons at the National Guard, or turn over and burn any automobiles such as that blue Honda in the parking lot over there or that black and white police car parked on the next block, loot any stores such as Joe's Auto Shop, and Jim's Cell Phone Store, the owners of which had nothing to do with the unarmed murder of poor downtrodden robber Michael Brown, and don't throw any Molotov Cocktails made with stolen bourbon bottles and gasoline with a rag hanging out of them using your Zippo lighter to set them on fire just before you throw the Molotov Cocktails through the windows of Big Mama's Soul Food Kitchen restaurant down the main street, y'all."

   "Nor do I want the Reverend Al Sharpton, the Reverend Jesse Jackson, the Reverend Acorn, the reverends in the Black Panthers, the Reverend US Attorney Eric Holder, the Reverend Valerie Jarrett, all the Reverends in Hollywood and the Democratic Party, and the Reverend NY Times to show up as a lynch mob or the Fourth Estate to retry police officer Darren Wilson for his crime that is now going unpunished.  That would not be fair since, as I said earlier, we are a nation of laws not of Imperial Presidents who issue Executive Orders for amnesty for 20 million illegal immigrants from Mexico or use the IRS to target our political opponents or run guns in Benghazi with the CIA and then try to cover it up by showing a ridiculous YouTube video to distract everybody from the murder of our Libyan Ambassador or write RFQ's for 95,000 Guatemalan, Honduran, and Mexican youths to come storming over our southern border last June.  No, that would not be us," said the President with no hint of pretense or snickering on his pursed lips.

  "In closing," continued President Obama, "God bless America, and let's hope the citizens of America do not riot during and after this speech and burn down most of the major cities I have listed above at around 9 pm EST, set your watches, and continuing into the week so I don't have to, you know, institute martial law and cancel the 2016 Presidential Elections that would allow me to continue in my benign position of permanent Commander-in-Chief.  And thank you for not throwing that Molotov Cocktail before lighting the rag with your Zippo lighter because who knows if some innocent little kid running around the streets of Ferguson, Missouri at midnight might pick it up thinking it was a lollipop or something.  Let's all be kind and peaceful and God bless all you justice-loving bomb-throwers." -- FM Duck


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