Idaho's Weekly Journal of Local & National Commentary Week 2815


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by Free Market Duck

Boise's Toiletgate morphs into Pinocchio-gate as Senator Craig's nose mysteriously grows another 2 feet overnight
(Sep 5, 2007)

Boise, ID In another medical mystery surrounding Senator Larry "Pinocchio" Craig's nose, which has continued to grow longer and longer every day for no apparent reason during the last week, Senator "Pinocchio" woke up this morning with a schnaz two feet longer than yesterday.

   "All's I did was leave a short message on a phone answering machine Saturday morning just before my non-resignation speech to trick the voters by changing the words 'I will resign' to 'It is my INTENT to resign' and boom, my nose grew another two feet," exclaimed Senator "Pinocchio" whipping out a six-foot hanky.  "How was I to know I dialed the wrong phone number," he added, "and left my tricky message for some hack who would squeal to the news media?"

   Senator "Pinocchio's" spokesman, Geppetto Spaghetti, confirmed that the reason Senator "Pinocchio" mistakenly left his tricky wordsmithing message on the wrong phone answering machine, which ended up in all the national news media this morning, is because Mickey Mouse, Donald Duck, Pluto, and all the cartoon characters at Disneyland have been harassing "Pinocchio" and his giant nose for the entire week.  "And for no good reason," added Geppetto, busy carving another marionette resembling former President Bill Clinton.

   "I am not a stiff wooden puppet and did not squeeze the Charmin in the toilet stall at the Minneapolis Airport Men's Room," declared Senator "Pinocchio" as he hired two lawyers to pull his strings at the U.S. Congressional Ethics Committee hearings and the Minneapolis Men's Room Club.  "I was framed, I tell ya.  Framed." -- FM Duck

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