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Harry Potter dies on page
597... in Boise
(July 30, 2007)
Boise, ID – In a
miraculous series of coincidences, Mr. Harry Potter of Boise, Idaho,
collapsed of a heart attack in his rocking chair on his front porch
yesterday whilst attempting to jump ahead and sneak a peek at the ending of
J.K. Rowling's latest Harry Potter novel: Harry
Potter and the Deathly Hollows. Mr. Harry Potter of Boise
was apparently dead set on finding out if the book hero,
Harry Potter, died in Rowling's 7th and last Potter novel as has been widely
rumored on the Internet.
"I was just sitting
on my porch next door turning a frog into a Velociraptor with my magic
wand," said Hermione Granger of Boise, Idaho -- no relation to the Hermione
heroine in the Harry Potter books, "when all of a sudden Harry just up and
fell out of his creaky rocking chair, like thud. So, I dialed
1-800-911-WAND, and then jumped on my Model 9200 Rapid Flying Broom," added
Hermione, "and dashed over to administer mouth-to-mouth and wand-to-forehead
first aid to poor Harry."
Boise ER workers
arrived on the scene to find Harry Potter of Boise deader than a door nail
on his front porch, with Hermione sobbing uncontrollably nearby, and Harry's
left forefinger holding open page 597 on which the novel's hero, Harry
Potter, had also died -- killed in a dual to the death with Lord Voldemort.
Voldemort also coincidentally died on Harry Potter's of Boise front porch
after he stepped out of the book for a quick peekie-boo and tripped over
Hermione Granger's (of Boise) magic wand which she inadvertently had left
sitting on Harry Potter's front porch on top of a recently-concocted banana
peel whilst trying to revive Harry Potter of Boise.
will be held for both Harry Potters and Lord Voldemort in the recently
condemned Parcel 7 retail space in the Ada County Courthouse
taken by the Ada County Commissioners
through Eminent Domain from themselves to
themselves using Cryptic Partners as their Legal Laundromat to
magically wash funds from the Ada County taxpayers into the pockets of
various voodoo lawyers and Cryptic Partners. Free parking for 200 mourners
were also included in the same questionable Eminent Domain deal, courtesy of
the Ada County Magical Mystery Eminent Domain Takings
by the Commissioners,
from the Commissioners, and
for the Commissioners.
FM Duck says, “Wow!
Both Harry Potters died on page 597 in Boise, Idaho on the very same day.
What a coincidence.” Just like Eminent Domain down at the Ada County
Said Lord Voldemort
in his dying breath, "Holy moly, if only I had dreamed up how to use Eminent
Domain to condemn my newly-built castle near
Hogwart and then take back my own castle by paying Cryptic
Partners $1.4 million in taxes from the Ada County Muggles. Now that’s what
I call real magic." -- FM Duck
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