Idaho's Weekly Journal of Local & National Commentary Week 2815


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by Free Market Duck

Judge cries at Anna Nicole Smith hearing...wins Oscars for Best Actor, Worst Director
(Feb 23, 2007)

Miami, FL Are you kidding me?  FM Duck News does not usually cover the salacious side of the news but the Anna Nicole Smith hearing in a Florida court room to decide where to bury her two-week dead body has turned into a judicial circus.


   Normally, we wouldn't care.  But what we are witnessing in Florida is another example of the continuing breakdown of America's decaying justice system.  We see it in the Boise's Watergate case in which The Friends of the Ada County Judicial System, Inc. (a fake corporation of legal beagles) played a major role in initiating the $136 million University Place corruption, the current "Scooter" Libby case in  Washington DC in which President Bush and his U.S. AG Office is punishing journalists and others for allegedly lying about a "non-offense," the sentencing of two U.S. Border Patrol officers to 11 years in prison for shooting a Mexican illegal druggie in the butt, and the non-sentencing of the top crooks at Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac for faking billions of dollars in assets to receive $50 million in bonuses (the perps at Enron went to jail for this).


   And now, along comes Anna Nicole Smith who used a 90-year old billionaire by flashing her big boobs to get his billions (not illegal), and then Howard K. Stearn, a lawyer who used Anna Nicole Smith by providing her and her now dead son with lots of drugs to allegedly inherit and get Smith's billions (illegal if provable), and Judge Dinkleberry Q. Chrome Dome who is using Anna Nicole Smith's now-dead body disposal hearing as a Hollywood audition for his wannabe Judge Judy TV show by crying in the Florida court room as he finally declared after 4 days of incompetent judgeship, "Oh boo hoo hoo, I want Anna Nicole Smith to be buried next to her son in one of the many cemetery plots previously purchased in the Bahamas by Howard K. Wiley Coyote."


   Meanwhile, back at the ranch in the Bahamas sits Anna Nicole Smith's little 5-month old billionaire daughter, Dannielyn, sucking innocently on a pacifier and who is an American citizen -- as soon as she registers with the U.S. Embassy if Mr. Howard Coyote ever allows his little Lottery Ticket to leave the Bahamas -- because mommy was an American citizen.


   Lawyer Howard Coyote says he's Dannielyn's biological and "fake wedding" father; Larry Beanhead from California says he's the father; Prince Zsa-Zsa says on national TV, I screwed Anna Nicole off and on (no pun intended) for over ten years but I'm not the father and don't nobody tell my wife Zsa-Zsa Gabor; real estate tycoon Bubba X. from Georgia -- or was it Alabama, who sort of "sold" Smith & Coyote the Bahamian prison, oops I mean residence -- says, Hey I screwed Anna Nicole, too, but I had a vasectomy so I'm not the father.


   Will the real double helix (the DNA) please step forward?


   No, but Judge Judy in drag -- who forgot the wig to cover his highly-polished chrome dome -- slouched and squirmed around in his judicial chair (whoa, that Barney Rubble, what an actor) and, after mismanaging the entire Florida Dead Body Disposal Hearing For Anna Nicole Smith for 4 whole days, cried with an onion in his Size 47 hanky and won an Oscar for Best Actor and Worst Judicial Director of the Year.


   What would Perry Mason conclude about this sordid case?


   Simple.  Perry Mason would say that Howard Coyote set it all up from the very beginning.  Knock off Anna Nicole's only heir, her son, with a drug overdose in the Bahamas while she gives birth to a daughter.  Do a fake quickie marriage in the Bahamas.  Do a fake residence purchase in the Bahamas.  Buy several cemetery plots in the Bahamas.  Give birth to a daughter in the Bahamas.  Keep the only new heir, Dannielyn, in the Bahamas.  Pay off the Bahamian officials for "residency" and "marriage" certificates obtained in record time.  Give Anna Nicole Smith enough drugs so she will eventually knock off whether in the Bahamas OR the U.S.  And Anna Nicole Smith never takes Dannielyn on a trip to the U.S.  Never.  Not for a breast feeding or to show off her new baby.  I wonder why, Mr. Coyote, who knows all the DNA and citizenship laws about both the U.S. and in the Bahamas?


   Then, all of a sudden, Anna Nicole Smith, in the prime of her young life, conveniently knocks off from what can't be traced directly as a drug overdose but quite possibly a combo of past heavy drug usage (conveniently provided by Mr. Coyote) plus medications and who knows what?  Hesto Presto, Howard Coyote is now a billionaire and keeps Dannielyn in the Bahamas so she never has to have a DNA test.


   The Big Clencher:  Howard Coyote refuses to take a DNA test to prove he's the father.  If he was the biological father, he would have already taken the DNA test and broadcasted it across every news media in the known world plus the moon.  In the Bahamas, however, he doesn't need to be the biological father.  He can claim parenthood for little Dannielyn VERBALLY without a DNA swab.  How convenient.  And as a shark lawyer, he would know this about the Bahamas.  Whoa, was it Anna Nicole Smith who loved the Bahamas or Howard Coyote because he already knew the laws that fit nicely into The Big Plan?


   Follow the money.


   So why didn't Florida Judge Chrome Dome figure this out?  Because he's too busy auditioning for The American Judge Judy show in his Florida court room.  Four days to rule on what everybody already knows.  What a farce!


   Judge Judy could have concluded this hearing in half an hour.  FM Duck could have concluded it in five minutes flat: (1) Order all the studs in the court room to take a DNA test NOW, (2) Order the American Embassy in the Bahamas to obtain a DNA test from American citizen baby Dannielyn NOW, (3) Order the bodies of both Anna Nicole Smith and her over-dosed son to be moved and buried in Hollywood, California, NOW, (4) Order Howard Coyote to be arrested -- and released on bail for $1,000,000 -- for suspicion of fraud and conspiracy for the alleged drug-overdose murders of Anna Nicole Smith and her son, and (5) Judge Chrome Dome, you are now removed from practicing law anywhere in the U.S. for turning one of America's court rooms into a complete circus, you clown. -- FM Duck

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