Idaho's Weekly Journal of Local & National Commentary Week 2815


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by Free Market Duck

European Union Dumps German, Officially Adopts English as Universal Language
(Jan 17, 2007)

Bonn, Germany The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English rather than German will be the official language of the European Union.

   In the fiercely debated negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some minor room for improvement and has accepted a five-year phase-in plan dubbed "Euro-English."

   In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c."  Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up mush konfusion, and keyboards kan now have one less letter.  EU offisials antisipate growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f".  This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

   In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage at which more komplikated changes are possible.

   Partisipating governments will enkourage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.

   Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and should simply evaporat into nowher.

   By the 4th yer, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".

   During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a realy sensibl riten languag.

   Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza.  Ze drem of a united Urop vil finali kum tru.

   Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking sehr gut German yust lik zey vunted in ze forst plas. -- Stolen by Fre Market Duk

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